Diaries of the Baltics
by AiLeiben
Summary: Look into the life of Eduard, Raivis, and Toris as they write about their own personal lives. Warning: Suicidal thoughts and/or actions
1. Entry 1

**A/N: Hello my lovely readers! Please check out my one-shots ****_Free,_ and _Sorrowful Regret_****! I really like those! Anyways, here are my new drabbles! Well...like each entry is a like drabble. I'm rambling, so please, enjoy!** :D

**Eduard - Estonia / Raivis - Latvia / Toris - Lithuania**

Disclaimer: I do not own Hetalia.

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_**Estonia**_

Don't you wish, just sometimes, that you could just disappear? I wish I could. I lie in bed, all alone, thinking about slipping under the glassy surface of the ocean going deep, deep down until I can't fall any further. My vision would probably go fuzzy as my lungs would burn for oxygen I would lie there forever, surrounded by my watery grave.

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_**Latvia** _

Sometimes I think I'm not worth it. That I don't deserve to take up space in the world and burden others with my presence. I'm clumsy and useless. I was a mistake. I should never have been born. If only I wasn't. Not that anyone cares.

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_**Lithuania**_

I care deeply about others So it hurts me when they leave me. I feel like it breaks my heart into a million pieces. Maybe I'm just overly attached. Or maybe I'm afraid to be alone. That's probably it. It's been 8 weeks and I can barely go a day without cutting. Everyone calls my an "emo bitch who just wants attention" and "a faggot masochist". And I'm starting to think they're right.

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**A/N: So I definitely plan on continuing this! Yay! R&R? Thank you!**


	2. Entry 2

**A/N: Please enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Hetalia!**

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_**Estonia:**_

Today I found Raivis sobbing in the bathroom. I was very confused, but I patted him on the back and whispered comforting things into his ear while he cried into my shoulder. I rocked him back and forth like a child for what must have been hours. When I asked him what he was sad about, he didn't respond. He just looked down at the bathroom tiles, hicuping. By the time I tucked him into bed he was asleep.

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_**Latvia:**_

I felt like crap so I decided to drink a lot of alcohol from my hidden stash. It helps numb the pain. Later I ended up crashing in the bathroom, sobbing (but I made sure to brush my teeth and get rid of the odor). Little voices in my head kept telling me how useless I am. I was afraid of my own mind, and that feeling terrifies me. Eduard held me and made the scary voices go away, though. Maybe I was wrong. Maybe someone does care. But I know far too well that hope can be paralyzing.

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_**Lithuania:**_**  
**

Fag. Whore. Cutter. Bitch. I'm so sick of it! People will never change. My friends have turned on me and are gone. Backstabbers. All of them. They don't understand; they won't EVER understand. They are the cause of my pain. I wish they would just DISAPPEAR!

"Why can't you stop cutting?"

It's my body, I'll cut where I want**.**

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**A/N: Terrible? I hope not! I will continue updating this! I guess. Reviews? Please, be my guest! Have a fab day!**


	3. Entry 3

**A/B: HEEEEY! Please enjoy, and thank you all my silent readers!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Hetalia**

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_**Estonia**:_

We went to the beach today. All my thoughts of drowning myself came back to me But, no, I couldn't do it. Not while the others where there at least. My friend, Tino, and his boyfriend, Berwald, came along as well. We had a good time. The first in weeks, actually. I just couldn't help but wonder why Toris refused to wear shorts and insisted on wearing a jacket.

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_**Latvia:**_

Mr. Tino is really nice and even though Mr. Berwald appears to be terrifying, he actually is super nice too! They played in the ocean with us, and I was kinda sad that Eduard didn't join us, but they did play in the sand. I think we all had lots of fun.

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_**Lithuania:**_

It was HOT today! But wearing jeans and a hoodie didn't help my case either. The beach was pretty fun, even though I mainly watched the others. It was so peacefull and everyone was so happy! It made me happy too. Some blonde chick kept talking to me for some reason, but I swear, her voice could have been a guy's. I dunno. The Polish accent made it hard to tell. She was wearing a short skirt, I would think (and hope) she was in fact a she.

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**A/N: Okay! Good, bad? Please leave a review if you enjoyed! Again, thank you my silent readers!**


	4. Entry 4

**A/N: Hello! I hope you enjoy the story!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Hetalia.**

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_**Estonia:**_

Maybe today I'll do it. Disappear from existence. I've been wondering if I should leave a note. Or perhaps, they'll just understand. What would I say anyways? I'm hopeless.

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_**Latvia:**_

Eduard has been acting strange lately. I hope he's okay. Toris is going to Russia for some sort of business-thing for his company. Something about negotiations on a partnership and whatnot. I wish he could take us with him.

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_**Lithuania:**_

I feel really bad about lying to my brothers about a business trip to Russia, because I actually got fired a few months ago. I'm really going to a hospital where, hopefully, I can get some help. I have a good feeling about this though. Today, I decided to take control. I won't be that "unstable cutter" anymore.

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**A/N: Okay, sorry this is so short! Lol. Thank you,** ilovelovino123**, for reviewing! They just totally make my day! XD**


	5. Entry 5

**A/N: Wazzup! Thank you all my readers, please continue to read and enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Hetalia**

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_**Estonia:**_

Toris left today. Said he'll be back in about two months. Two months? That is one serious company deal... I wonder what Raivis and I are going to do while he's gone. I supposed I'll him to visit with Tino for a while. I think we had a good time together last time.

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**_Latvia:_**

We didn't escort Toris to the airport, he said that I probably would still be asleep when he had to leave. I knew I was a burden to him. And now Eduard is going to have to look after me because no one trusts me! It's just so frustrating sometimes!

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_**Lithuania:**_

I left really early this morning to make Raivis believe I was going to the airport. Then I checked myself into the asylum. The receptionist was an intimidating woman with a keen interest in one of the doctors. When I complimented the bow in her hair, her glare at me looked like daggers shooting from her eyes. I went to my room and a therapist-psychologist-smart person came in and discussed with me why I was here. I explained to him my situation and showed him the scars on my arms, legs, and abdomen. He listened and nodded understandingly. He gave me a prescription anti-depressant to take twice a day, every day. I thanked him and he left after giving a few more simple instructions. I really miss my brothers. I hope they'll understand.

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**A/N: Thank you, **Painting Politics and Poland **and **The REAL FanFic Contributer** for commenting on my last chapters! It's great to know that people actually like and read my stuff. XD**

**Sorry that I didn't update yesterday...or the day before that. I was procrastinating.**


	6. Entry 6

**A/N: Hey! So I've got a confession... I have been totally procrastinating... Sorrrryyy~! I've been very busy lately and tired. XD I made a few very minor changes to two other chapters. (Added a disclaimer and italicized one word)  
**

**Please enjoy the story!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Hetalia  
**

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_**Estonia:**_

I called Tino today, and he welcomed us without hesitation to stay with him and Berwald. I thought it was very kind of them. They also said that they adopted a kid named Peter, who is around Raivis' age. I hope they will get along together. I also heard from Alfred that he is loud and can be obnoxious. (Not that he is one to talk, really...) But those traits might be good, maybe he'll keep Raivis busy. I still need to pack, so I'll stop writing here.

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_**Latvia:**_**  
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I just finished packing to go to Mr. Tino's house, so now I'm kind of tired. Mr. Berwald is still kind of intimidating, but I'm sure everything will be okay. Although, I am a bit nervous to meet this "Peter". What if he doesn't like me? It makes me really nervous. My hand is shaking now. I must be really nervous now! I think I'll take a nap now...

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_**Lithuania:**_

I met that same blonde Polish person from the beach today. His name is Feliks, and he enjoys cross-dressing as his... "hobby" for lack of a better term). His abusive foster parents and bullying through high school caused him to make an attempt on his life three times. Turns out he is also the same age as me. I feel pretty bad for him, but he says he's definitely getting better. I told him we could meet in the cafeteria and talk more, if he would like, so that's what I'll be doing tomorrow.

He is an interesting, if not a bit eccentric. Oh. It's time to take my medication...

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**A/N: Hoped you liked it! Please, if you have enough time, R&R! Thank you all my lovely reviewers and silent readers. Have an awesome day! **


	7. Entry 7

**A/N: Okay, this is very short, so don't hate or anything. Thanks.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Hetalia **

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_**Estonia:**_**  
**

We arrived at Tino's house in the afternoon and apparently we're not the only guests. Berwald's ex-boyfriend, Mathias, was staying because of an argument with his current boyfriend that resulted in him getting kicked out of the house. Great...

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_**Latvia:**_

Mr. Mathias is weird. Today, he was drinking an excessive amount of beer. I think he was upset over his boyfriend or something. He was babbling a bunch of random stuff to me and luckily Berwald came. He took Mathias upstairs to the bathroom where he puked up all the contents of his stomach for the rest of the evening.

Peter is funny. I like him. He's teaching me how to play an X-box. He's super confident and maybe a little bit immature.

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_**Lithuania:**  
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I'm kinda homesick. Feliks told me it was natural and it would pass. After all, it has only been 2 days. Dr. Kirkland came and talked to me for a few minutes, just to see how I was doing. I told him that I was doing fine, which I haven't been able to truthfully tell anyone in a long time. I hope my brothers are doing okay without me.

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**A/N: Okay! Thanks for reading. The next few chapters might be, like, fillers or something. At least until I can figure out more plot stuff. Thanks again for reading and reviewing!**


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